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PTSD
Mar 3, 2009 16:04:26 GMT -5
Post by ozark on Mar 3, 2009 16:04:26 GMT -5
Forty two years ago a young man served in Viet Nam. He had some rough times but handled things well back then. Now the years have come and age has mellowed him to the point that emotions are near the surface and tears are ready to flow with a meer thought or a memory. Extremely patoritic he will not tolerate any talking while the flag is passing or people mumbling while the Anthem is played. He responds with something like: "Shut your mouths, I bled for that flag and you will respect it." He talks to me with tears in his eyes and with the pain of memories obviously near the surface. He seeks my company as If I can help or maybe just because he believes I understand. Doctors and councelors were not there and he doesn't believe they know how things are. If you can advise me do so. I feel helpless to offer him a ladder to climb out of his hole. Not that I expect you to provide me with a concrete answer but perhaps a suggestion or two would make me a better sounding board. He sees me as a Soldiers leader and seems to think that somewhere I learned something that he needs to know. Ozark.
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PTSD
Mar 3, 2009 18:04:42 GMT -5
Post by whyohe on Mar 3, 2009 18:04:42 GMT -5
i have no dealings with PTSD. but i have dealt with sever depression. i would encorage him so seak help in DEALING with the feelings and how to learn to think them threw. and what is the best way for HIM to work threw them. you as a vet might be able to help him by telling him how you and/or others you know deal with these type feelings.
the things he dealt with are most likely horrible from that war.and may be he has pushed feelings back and are now just comming out. he need to let them out and there is no shame in crying. the build up of emotions has to be released for healing to start. he needs to find the right doctor for him and in order to do that he has to get in the mind frame of "one of them can help me". I went threw 2 doctor before i found the third that REALLY helped me.
good luck ozark to you and your friend! i hope he finds his way threw his problems.
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PTSD
Mar 4, 2009 7:57:41 GMT -5
Post by 161 on Mar 4, 2009 7:57:41 GMT -5
I spent the last 24 hrs. thinking of what I could say to help your friend. And there is nothing, all I can offer is a few prayer that you are guided in your words thoughts and deeds. You probably don't realize how much you're helping just being there for him.
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PTSD
Mar 4, 2009 9:58:10 GMT -5
Post by ozark on Mar 4, 2009 9:58:10 GMT -5
A problem here is that you are asked for an answer that needs hours, days or even weeks to ponder and consider. Yet, you are expected to provide the answer right there instantly. I think that such answers are to be found inside the individual and that an outsider cannot enter there and straighten things out. It is likely that some horrendous event would effect each of us differently simply because we are different. While I was a teenager, a young man went on a rampage, killed a furbuyer, shot the mans mule, traveled to a nearby house and climbed onto the roof and through a stovepipe hole shot the mother of a young child. He then took the child to a nearby spring and was going to leave it in the cool shade. The child cried and he couldn't handle that. So, he bashed its head over a large rock and tossed it into the spring water. He was caught later but this was to me the ultimate form of being unbalanced. This happend when I was immature and it did cause me some problems emotionally and mentally. But it was helpful also. I determined that I was not of that type, did not approve of such acts and accepted that in this lads eyes he just did what seemed appropriate at the time. I forgave him because there is no way he could have been that mean or cruel. It has to be just a state of mind. PDSD may occur from an airplane crash, a carwreck, a hunting accident as well as in combat. I can't tell others how to handle these things. I am lucky that I have been able to seperate my experiences as self caused or caused from something I had no control over. XXit happens but we are responsible only for those we intentionally cause. Underscore the INTENTIONALLY. Ozark
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PTSD
Mar 4, 2009 18:19:50 GMT -5
Post by whyohe on Mar 4, 2009 18:19:50 GMT -5
basically you nailed it Ozark. you can encorage him to see if what is bothering him was beyond his control. and that means orders from his superiors to a degree too.
if he is a religious man he can pray to GOD for help, understanding,and forgivness if needed and it will be given. GOD forgave king David. He had Bathshebas husband killed so he could have her. and GOD forgave him!
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PTSD
Mar 4, 2009 22:34:04 GMT -5
Post by 12ptdroptine on Mar 4, 2009 22:34:04 GMT -5
I would not ask him what he seek's Mr Ozark. For I believe he thinks you will have something to help relieve his pain. In time I also believe he will bring it forward to you. Drop
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PTSD
Mar 5, 2009 20:08:10 GMT -5
Post by ozark on Mar 5, 2009 20:08:10 GMT -5
An alter, a closet or even he barn loft is a good spot to pray. However, it seems that a a foxhole, gun position or a prone position with incoming stuf comong stufff appears to creates the right incentivie and a certaub sincenturity and need. Ozark. I think dwelling on experiences which are unhealthy is not productive. I see my duty as handling whatever is thrown at me. I may have to fish, hunt, read, write, persue a bunch of hobbies but I think we need an excape so that our minds can esst.We cannot undo what we have witnessed. We didn't direcly cause it and often not responsible for how it turned out. I have done some terrible things while performing my duty but I think of it as duty and not as some crime that I thought up and then committed. Self pitty is useless, flashbacks are like dreams not reality. We can vews the healthy things or the harmful things, It is a choice and a path we can learn to walk. Get a job, get a hobby, become creative and get on with life because it is a terrible thing to waste.
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PTSD
Mar 5, 2009 22:28:58 GMT -5
Post by ET on Mar 5, 2009 22:28:58 GMT -5
Ozark
I suspect he is dealing with a painful burden of guilt and remorse. Some types of Guilt can haunt a normal caring person for a lifetime if it is not dealt with. So how does one deal with this burden of guilt? Some deal with it through justification or reasoning and some seek forgiveness. This has to be the decision of the person hurting inside. You can only provide options or paths to follow.
For now your friendship and willingness to take the time to listen is comforting to him. But he also has to understand this will not necessarily produce a cure for his pain and only some temporary relief.
Ed
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PTSD
Mar 10, 2009 8:49:28 GMT -5
Post by Buckrub on Mar 10, 2009 8:49:28 GMT -5
Ben, I strongly suspect that you have already helped him FAR above what you realize.
Just keep doing it, and let him fully know that he has a friend that will be there any hour of any day. You can't fix it, and that is what hurts the most. I know.
But you can stand beside him anytime he needs it. That's what you've done. I expect that the fact that he's still here and still talking is proof you're doing good. Just keep doing it and pray.
If there was more to advise, I would. But that's all I know to suggest. I am convinced you have been a huge help already.
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PTSD
Mar 18, 2009 20:07:04 GMT -5
Post by petev on Mar 18, 2009 20:07:04 GMT -5
From an outsider point of view, I think that there is a time for what friends can offer, and a time to accept that professional help is needed. Having said that, it almost seems that since his emotions are surfacing, that he is in the process of letting go of some of the painful past, and maybe he will get better with just the support of family and friends. I met two veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan on the Delaware River where I patrol for rescuing those who flip in their boat. The fact that these strapping young men in their twenties seemed mentally shattered to a great extent, brought home ever more what the cost of war is (since I haven't experienced it first hand).
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